Tales of the Peculiar (illustrated)

TALES of the PECULIAR

Edited and annotated by Millard Nullings

Illustrated by Andrew Davidson

Copyright © 2016 by Syndrigast Publications

Printed in a nomad’s tent in the desert of Lop, known to some as the Great Lop Depression, extending eastward along the foot of the Kuruk-Tagh to the formerly terminal Tarim Basin in the Xinjiang Uyghur Autonomous Region, an almost perfectly horizontal expanse.

Bound at great expense in a facility deep underground, the entrance to which, between Fish Street Hill and Pudding Lane, London, you should not attempt to locate, for your own safety.

Vigilantly proofread by the two heads and five eyes of Patricia Panopticot.

“Caesar non supra grammaticos.”

Please don’t copy, steal, or dog-ear the pages of this book. Please don’t use this book as a coaster or a doorstop. Please don’t read the third story in this collection aloud backward. The publisher cannot be held responsible for what may occur.

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To Alma LeFay Peregrine, who taught me to love tales.

—MN

Exlibris

Title Page

A Peculiar Copyright

Dedication

Epigraph

Note to the Reader

Foreword

The Splendid Cannibals

The Fork-Tongued Princess

The First Ymbryne

The Woman Who Befriended Ghosts

Cocobolo

The Pigeons of Saint Paul’s

The Girl Who Could Tame Nightmares

The Locust

The Boy Who Could Hold Back the Sea

The Tale of Cuthbert

About the Author

Copyright

Dear Reader,

The book you hold in your hands is meant for peculiar eyes only. If by chance you are not among the ranks of the anomalous—in other words, if you don’t find yourself floating out of bed in the middle of the night because you forgot to tie yourself to the mattress, sprouting flames from the palms of your hands at inopportune times, or chewing food with the mouth in the back of your head—then please put this book back where you found it at once and forget this ever happened. Don’t worry, you won’t be missing anything. I’m sure you’d only find the stories contained herein strange, distressing, and altogether not to your liking. And anyway, they’re none of your business.

Very peculiarly yours,

The Publisher

IF YOU ARE OF THE PECULIAR PERSUASION—and if you’ve read this far, I sincerely hope that you are—then this is a book that likely needs no introduction. These tales were a formative and beloved part of your upbringing, and you came of age reading them and hearing them read aloud with such frequency that you can recite your favorites word for word. If, however, you are among those unfortunates who have only just discovered their peculiarity, or who grew up in circumstances where no peculiar literature was available, I offer this brief primer.